In today's SFGATE/96 Hours, weekly entertainment guide, I came accross Tim Sullivan's humorous list and wanted to share it. Here's the full list;

1. People have sex because it feels good
Later studies showed:
We eat because we're hungry.
We sleep because we're tired.
We dress because we need pockets.

2. Gambling is addictive
We're willing to bet the studies are wrong, but first:
Can we borrow some money?
Can we borrow a little more?
OK ... just a little bit more?

3. People want more public services but don't want to pay for them
Follow-up studies confirmed that people also want:
A bigger piece of the pie.
To have their cake and eat it too.
To live the good life.

4. People like to complain about traffic
Further studies revealed that Americans:
Drive large vehicles.
Make oil companies rich.
Don't realize nobody can hear them when they scream inside their cars.

5. Men talk as much as women
Additional studies suggested that:
Men and women disagree with this assessment.
Men and women disagree that they disagree.
Men and women disagree on a good time to discuss this disagreement.

6. Venting of problems can depress girls further
Further studies alluded to the fact that:
Further venting leads to further depression about venting.
Further depression leads to further venting about depression.
It depresses guys further too, but only if they listen.

7. Sex trafficking is spreading HIV
Further studies indicated that STDs:
Are transmitted.
Are transmitted via sex.
Are diseases.

8. A happy workplace leads to more productivity
Too bad:
There's no such thing.
Now stop reading this and ...
Get back to work.

9. There's too much celebrity coverage
Yet:
Celebrity coverage continues to be popular.
Celebrities are covered because they're celebrities.
They're celebrities because they're covered.

10. The word gullibility is not in the dictionary
I checked:
It wasn't.
See?
Exactly.

11. Studies show many things
Further studies:
Verified this.
Contradicted this.
Clearly demonstrated that further studies will be needed.

This article appeared on page G - 3 of the San Francisco Chronicle

Labels: Humor, San Francisco Chronicle, Studies